Thursday was our 26th anniversary. A lot of life has happened the last 26 years…
2 cities
2 apartments
6 houses
numerous jobs
5 pregnancies
1 birth
1 international adoption
9 foster placements
1 domestic adoption
more mistakes than I can count
more blessings than I deserve
The past three years of our marriage are in a category of their own. We never expected our marriage to be perfect or easy…and we’ve had our share of flawed and hard. We’ve also had our share of sweet and beautiful. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst. We’ve been selfless and selfish. We have seen victories and failures. We’ve lived with peace and chaos. We have agreed and disagreed. We have grieved our son in some of the same ways, but we have also grieved in very different ways.
A lot of people will say (or have been told) that the divorce rate after child loss is 80%. That’s actually not based on any study. The reality is, if a marriage was struggling before losing a child, it will most likely not survive long term.
Since Paxton died, it has been the best of times and it has been the worst of times. January 25, 2023 was the beginning of the worst three years of my life. It was also the beginning of the best three years of our marriage and it has been the best three years of Paxton’s life. I am so grateful for the best God has given us and, at the same time, I still want my boy back.
Despite everything, we have never once given up on each other. I am so thankful for the husband God blessed me with. I’m thankful for his steadfastness and strength. I’m thankful for his love and leadership. I’m thankful for his gentleness and grace. I’m thankful he’s an amazing father and so, so thankful he’s my forever.
thankful you’re beside me
to walk this painful road
and help carry this heavy load
holding me when I fall apart
gently cradling my shattered heart
this is so hard
you are constant
the most important
person in my life
showing me the love of Christ
grieving together
closer than ever
I never dreamed
this would be our journey
but I’m so grateful you’re with me
through the best
and the worst
hopeful for eternity
the God kiss 