Chad and I spent last weekend at The Refuge in Hot Springs. It’s the main location for While We’re Waiting, a ministry that offers support groups and free retreats for grieving parents (www.whilewerewaiting.org). The Refuge is a sacred place where our childrens’ stories are honored, their names are spoken and our grief is gently shared. But, while the Refuge in Hot Springs is a beautiful, safe place for parents with hurting hearts, it’s heartbreaking that we need a place like that at all.
A refuge is only needed when there is danger or distress. We have to choose to seek refuge. But taking refuge in a storm does not take the storm away. Sometimes, we still get wet. Sometimes we still suffer damage. And sometimes, while our lives are spared, the landscape never looks the same.
The only true shelter in a storm isn’t a what…it’s a who. God is THE Refuge. He doesn’t take the storms away but He promises to hold us, walk with us and comfort us in their midst. In order to take refuge I have to choose to seek Him.
I can feel a storm approaching and the waters are starting to stir. One month from today is Paxton’s 14th birthday. It will be the 4th time there will be no presents to open, no one to sing to and a birthday cake that will never have more than 10 candles. May 3 is Bereaved Mother’s Day and May 10th is Mother’s Day…two more days that celebrate the beauty and the agony of being a mama to children on Earth and children in heaven.
The reality is, there is always a storm on my horizon. I have to choose to take refuge in THE Refuge every day…sometimes every hour…sometimes every breath. And while there are still storms, THE Refuge promises to hold me, walk with me and comfort me. He promises me that one day I will be in the safest place of all. One day, the damage will be restored and I will see Paxton again. One day, the Refuge will no longer be needed because THE Refuge will make all things new.
I’m battered by
the wind and rain
grief
and pain
I’m hanging on
tossed by the sea
in danger of
crashing on the rocks
and sinking
seeking harbor
in the waves
from the hurt
from the hard
seeking refuge
for my broken mama heart
the storms still rage
I struggle every day
help me seek You
THE Refuge
the only place
I’m truly safe
the God kiss 