Good Friday. It was good. It is good. Because of Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I can have a personal relationship with Jesus and have hope that I’ll see Paxton again. But, this year is different. This year my thoughts are on Mary.
I ache for Mary in a new way. I feel her physical pain as she weeps for her son. I understand her sorrow in the midst of goodness. I wonder if she ever asked God why it had to be that way. I wonder if she ever just wanted her Son to live, even though His death saved all of humanity.
I now know the true meaning of Lament. Psalm 77 says “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest”. I know that in the second half of the Psalm, Asaph reminds himself of God’s goodness. But, we don’t know how long it took him to write the first half. It may have been years. I know the truth, and I know God is good, but right now my heart laments. This is what I wrote last night:
my soul cries out in anguish
my heart is filled with pain
my world is a little more gray
I’ll never be the same
my God, my God, are You there?
I feel so all alone
the valley of the shadow of death
is now the place I roam
my eyes are full of sadness
my face is wet with tears
I reach out desperate for Your touch
and wonder if You’re near
sorrow is my shadow
sometimes hidden, always there
living life without my son
is a crushing burden to bear
sometimes I’m so overwhelmed
I forget to even breathe
I will never understand
why he had to leave
I still choose to trust You
but I’m weary, worn and spent
Father God, please carry me
through this time of deep lament
One thought on “lament”